


Ease

by MaeTaurus



Series: Blue Neighborhood [4]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, The Amazing Tour Is Not on Fire, The Amazing Tour Is Not on Fire USA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-12 05:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeTaurus/pseuds/MaeTaurus
Summary: Dan is struggling with living on a tour bus for two months.





	Ease

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Troye Sivan's song, Ease, from his album, Blue Neighborhood.
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr on December 27, 2016.

“Morning,” Phil said when he saw Dan walk into the part of the tour bus pretending to be a kitchen/dining room.

Dan just grunted in response as he poured himself a cup of coffee that Phil had made. He sat down across from Phil, not getting anything to eat for breakfast for the third day in a row.

Phl noticed Dan’s lack of breakfast and the corners of his mouth turned down in a slight frown. “Everything okay?”

He shrugged and looked down at his mug, blowing on it before taking a sip. Dan wondered how Phil could tell something was wrong, though he supposed that’s what happened after you live with someone for four years.

The truth was that this tour had been slowly draining Dan and now he felt so fragile, like he could break at any moment without warning. But he couldn’t tell Phil that; no, he knew Phil was enjoying himself and was loving every second of the tour. Telling Phil that he felt a feeling of dread each time he woke up and realized it was a show day would just make Phil worry. If Dan asked him to, he knew Phil would cancel the rest of the tour without a second thought. Not that Dan wanted that. The last thing Dan wanted was to cancel everything last minute and leave millions of fans disappointed.

Dan sighed as he took another sip of his coffee. The cup was half empty and he’d only just realized he’d forgotten to put any sugar in it. ‘Oh well, too late now,’ Dan thought to himself. He downed the rest of it in one go then put his mug in the sink before going to get dressed.

When he and Phil first started talking about going on tour, the idea was appealing to Dan. Seeing the world from the windows of a tour bus that had their faces on the side of it, meeting more fans than they’d ever thought possible, not having to do anything except sightsee together and do a show every other night. Dan especially liked the idea of constantly moving; of never being in one place for too long, driving through the night and sometimes during the day. He never suspected that the inconsistency of it would be the thing that would be getting to him the most.

After the show that night Dan and Phil fought their way through a crowd of screaming fans and finally made it back onto the bus. They needed to leave right after the show ended so they could make it to the next venue in time. They’d only just had enough time to each shower and change while the crew packed up the set before they had to leave.

Dan went straight to his bunk without saying a word to Phil. He didn’t turn the light on, instead just pulling out his phone and scrolling aimlessly through Twitter. That is, until his phone died. He could’ve gotten up to put it on charge but there wasn’t a socket in his bunk so that would mean going to sit in the main area of the bus and face Phil. Dan didn’t want to deal with more questions so he just put his phone down and curled up.

“Dan?” Phil whispered. He was on his way to the bedroom when he could’ve sworn he’d heard Dan crying in his bunk. The camera crew had long since gone to bed and Phil didn’t want to risk waking them.

Dan froze when he heard Phil’s voice. He quickly wiped his tears and pulled the curtain back slightly. “Yeah?” He hoped his voice didn’t give away that he’d been crying quietly for about an hour.

Phil could tell Dan’s voice was hoarse but didn’t know if it was just from the show or because he had in fact been crying. “You alright? I thought I heard you crying.”

He shook his head. “I wasn’t, I’m fine. Just tired. I’ll see you in the morning.” Dan pulled the curtain back, effectively ending the conversation.

“Oh,” was all Phil said before turning and walking to the bedroom. He knew something had been bothering Dan for the last week but he also knew if he pushed Dan too much he would shut down entirely.

Dan tried to go to sleep but his mind kept wandering off. He wanted to talk to Phil, to tell him how he was feeling. In fact he wanted nothing more than to go to Phil’s room and curl up in bed with him. He debated with himself for a while before deciding to get up and see if Phil was awake and if there was even anything to debate about.

As soon as Dan got down from his bunk he could see light coming from under the door of the bedroom. After contemplating it for another few minutes, Dan decided he might as well just go since he’d gotten this far. He knocked softly but opened the door without waiting for an answer.

Phil looked up, smiling a bit when he saw Dan. He waited for Dan to walk in and close the door before speaking. “Can’t sleep?”

Dan shook his head and took the two steps required to reach the bed. Phil moved over to one side of the bed and Dan took this as an invitation. He crawled up to the top of the bed and sat down next to Phil, pulling the covers up to his chest.

“Wanna talk about it?” Phil asked softly. He looked over at Dan, waiting. If he said he did want to talk then Phil would happily listen. But if Dan said he didn’t, then he would drop it.

He took a deep breath and decided to just be honest and tell Phil how he was feeling. “I’m scared, Phil. I thought I would love doing this tour but I was wrong. I did at first but now it’s just too much. Is this what it’s going to be like from now on for us? Just mindlessly meeting fans? This isn’t what I wanted when I started YouTube,” Dan started.

By the end of it, they were both laying down and Dan had his head on Phil’s chest. He had a handful of Phil’s shirt in his hand, gripping onto it tightly as he sobbed into his shoulder. “How do you do it? How are you so relaxed during all of this?”

Phil rubbed Dan’s back to calm him down. “I just think about why we’re doing this to begin with. It’s stressful and tiring but I think about all the fans that we’re meeting and making happy. I think about how far we’ve come and how amazing this all is, that we’re actually in the middle of a world tour. And if I’m feeling really stressed out, I think about how great it’s gonna feel once we’re home after the tour ends. How great it’s gonna be to finally be able to sleep in the same bed as you, and actually have privacy in the shower. It’s hard now but I know we’re making so many amazing memories, not just for us but for our fans too. And I know that once it’s over we’re going to look back on it and miss it.”

Dan turned his head so he could look at Phil. “I miss this. Cuddling with you and just being alone with you.”

“Sleep in here tonight,” Phil murmured. “If anyone says anything in the morning, just say you couldn’t sleep so you came in here to watch Buffy with me and then we fell asleep. Nobody will question it.”

Dan smiled and nodded. “Yeah, okay.” He honestly wasn’t sure if he even cared if they got caught. He felt peaceful and content for the first time in nearly two weeks, all thanks to Phil holding him and letting him cry on his shoulder. Dan finally felt at ease.


End file.
